I’ll Just Walk

There’s a saying: “bad things happen in threes”, and today I got the whole trifecta. After dropping Molly at school, Andy and I were heading home, when I saw flashing lights in my rearview mirror. “That’s odd,” I thought, and pulled over to let the police car pass. Surely the cop wasn’t pulling ME over, a law abiding, rule following, tax paying citizen! Imagine my surprise when I stopped my minivan, and the squad car stopped too! What had I done wrong? “Morning,” the officer said as I rolled down my window, “you didn’t come to a complete stop at that last stop sign,” he told me. WHAT?? Really? To my horror, he was completely right! I’d only slowed down and rolled through. Gah, could I BE a bigger idiot? I stuttered as I gave him my license and insurance information. What a dismal way to start the day; but, as it turns out, much, MUCH worse things were to come. Talk about foreshadowing, eh?

A blue car driving down the road.

As I sat cursing my existence, the officer returned with more bad news. “Did you know your insurance is expired?” he asked. OH, COME ON, NOW YOU’RE JUST JOKING!. “Oh my gosh, what?? I’m so sorry, I had no idea!” I blurted. “So unfortunately, I can’t let you drive this vehicle anymore. Why don’t you pull into this parking lot, and we’ll figure things out?” the officer instructed. With shaking hands, I crawled forward at the speed of an arthritic turtle and parked. I called my husband Jeremy, who would now have to pick Andy and me up and drive us home. He’ll be thrilled. After a relatively mild string of curses, he said he’d drive home, switch out of his work van, and pick us up in his truck. Ten minutes later, as he pulled up beside me, the officer walked up with even worse news. Turning to Jeremy, he said “so your license is actually expired.” WHAT IN THE BIZARRO WORLD WAS HAPPENING?? Jeremy’s face looked like a smacked mackerel. At this point, the tragedy was too much; we’d passed the point of inconvenience and slammed headfirst into comedy. I started giggling; quietly at first, then louder and louder until I was laughing uncontrollably. “Oh no, it’s just so awful! What’s going on? Was there a full moon last night?” I gasped. It really was just horribly funny. To my eternal relief, the officer smiled! “Here’s what we’re gonna do,” he said, “I’ll write you a ticket for failing to stop, and a warning for not having insurance on the van. You drive your husband’s insured truck straight to the insurance office and renew the papers on the van and your license. Everything’s piling up here, and that’s the best I can do.” Sputtering our thanks, Jeremy and I transferred little Andy and our grumpy dog Teddy from the van into the truck, then, with me behind the wheel, drove to the insurance office. Did I mention it was pouring rain this whole time? So not only was I supremely agitated, but I was also soaked to the skin. Do bad things ever happen on sunny days?

Finally, our terrible morning came to an end. Jeremy got all the paperwork in order, and we were able to LEGALLY drive our vehicles back home. Andy was babbling about how we “got awessted!” and I was in desperate need of a drink. So, what did I learn? Number one: adulting is hard. Number two: keep on top of important dates, and number three: never, EVER, ROLL THROUGH A #$@#^%$# STOP SIGN!