Seven-year-old Molly has convinced her mother, Sarah, to bring their pet hamster into class for Show and Tell. She walks into the class, and twenty pairs of owl eyes stare at her eagerly. Poor Sarah has no idea what she’s getting into!
Sarah: “Hi guys! This is Sprinkles! Does anyone know what type of rodent he is?”
Girl 1: “I know! He’s a gerbil!”
Sarah: “That’s a good guess, but Sprinkles is actually a hamster. Who can tell me –”
Boy 1: “His name’s SPRINKLES? I bet it’s cuz he pees like a sprinkler! HAHAHAHAH!”
Sarah: “Er, okay. So, a cool thing about hamsters is –”
Girl 2: “I had a hamster when I was a baby but my mom said it went to live on a farm with some cows.”
Girl 2a: “No, she said it fell down the vent and the heater was on and it esploded.”
Sarah: “Do you two live together?”
Girl 2 and 2a: “We’re twins.”
Sarah: “………………Okay. So anyways, hamsters are nocturnal. Who knows what that means?”
Boy 8: “It means they sleep in the day and run around at night.”
Sarah: “Good job, that’s right!”
Boy 4: “Like vampires?”
Sarah: “Um, not really.”
Girl 5: “I was a vampire for Halloween. Except I had fairy wings an’ I was a fairy.”
Girl 1: “I was a princess an’ I ate so much candy I barfed!”
Sarah: “Right, so, hamsters—”
Boy 7: “Mom? I mean, missus Molly’s mom?”
Sarah: “Yes?”
Boy 7: “Do um, do hamsters……. Um, do they like….. um…. Do they like hot dogs?”
Sarah: “No, probably not.”
Boy 7: “Do YOU like hot dogs?”
Sarah: “Uh-huh. Anyways, who knows what hamsters like to eat?”
Boy 3: “I saw my hamster eat his own poop!”
Entire class: “EWWWWWWWWWWWW!!”
Molly (horrified): “Mom, does Sprinkles eat his own poop?”
Sarah: (exasperated) “I don’t…… I mean, I haven’t…..”
Girl 7: “I have to go peeeeeee.”
Thankfully, Miss Harris swoops in like an avenging angel.
Miss Harris: “Okay, class, let’s all thank Molly’s mom for bringing in the hamster!”
Everyone: “Thaaaaaaaaaaank youuuuuuuuuuu.”
Sarah grabs the hamster’s cage, and walks to the door, her head spinning.
Sarah: (to Miss Harris) “I don’t know how you do it.”
Miss Harris (smiles): “I often wonder that myself!”
