Isnt’ It Great?

April and Elly shop for back-to-school clothes.

Excited mom Sarah is back-to-school shopping with her dispirited seven-year-old daughter, Molly, and her four-year-old son, Andy.

Sarah: “Ohh, Molly, this one has unicorns! You love those!”

Molly: “Sorta.”

Sarah: “Let’s see, do you want unicorns or rainbows?”

Molly: “Do they have monkeys on trampolines?”

Sarah: “…………Why would they have that?”

Molly: “I saw it on the internet! There was a monkey jumpin’ up and down an’ he was having fun.”

Sarah: “Sweetie, we’re back-to-school shopping, not cavorting around a circus.”

Molly: “Ugh. Unicorns, I guess.”

Sarah: “Great! Okay, let’s see, now you need some pencils and crayons and ooooo! Construction paper! Isn’t this fun?”

Molly: (whines) “NO! I don’t wanna go back to school! Why can’t it be summer forever?”

Sarah: “Because mommy would go monkey-punch crazy, sweetie. School is for keeping mommies and daddies happy!”

Molly: “So how come you don’t go to school?”
Sarah: “Because I’ve suffered enough. Oh look! Sparkly pencils!”

Molly continues to pout, while Andy runs up excitedly.

Andy: “Can I get dis?”

Sarah: “Do you really need a jar of pickles, Andy? I mean, really.”

Andy: “Yeah, I need it for school.”

Sarah: “Put those back.”

Andy sighs dramatically and walks away.

Molly: “Will Miss Arthur be my teacher this year?”

Sarah: “No, you’ll have a new teacher.”

Molly: “What if she’s not nice?”

Sarah: “Sweetie, I know it’s scary going into a new grade and having a new teacher. I understand what you’re feeling. I promise that once you go to school, you’re gonna have a great time. Remember last year? You were scared but you did it anyway, and now you have lots of new friends and tons of cool memories. Just think of how much fun you’re going to have in grade one.”

Molly: “Mom, I’m going into grade two!”

Sarah: “WHAT? Wow, that went by fast. Well, just remember what I said. It’s okay to be nervous. I’ll keep checking in with you when school starts, okay? Now, how many pickle jars do we……..”
Molly: “Ew, what?”

Sarah: “Oh, wait, that was Andy. Okay, we’ve got everything you need. Let’s head over to aisle six.”

Molly: “Why?”

Sarah: “I wanna see if they have back-to-school sales on champagne!”