Lynn and Elly

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Coffee Talk
Welcome to Elly's Coffee Talk, where every day we feature some of the comments we get from Lynn's devoted readers, and occasionally we'll share a message from Lynn herself. If you have a comment or a story that relates to FBorFW, please share it by clicking on "Spill Your Beans Here"!


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Tuesday

last week you had A seen of the dad reading A girly book which I found inaproiate , very inaproiate, not all dads read that stuf, however I usely enjoy the strip, thank you.

Kenny S, St. Joseph, MO, USA

I was surprised to see John reading what seems to be a porn magazine. I was shocked to see Elly is apparently okay with John’s behavior. I am concerned about the message you are giving in this strip. Are you aware:

1. In the US 40-50% of women are sexual abused in some form by the age of 18. (25-30% of men are abused by age 18). I’m not sure of the figures for Canada, but I sense they aren’t much different than the US. Porn is a part of the sexual abuse process.
2. Societal attitudes toward sex can and do support sexual abuse. Men (and women) learn to objectify people, meaning they no longer see people as human but a thing to give them pleasure, in porn. What porn users (and sexual abusers) don’t think about are the real people in those magazines…people who have feelings, dreams, hopes, and real lives. The people in porn magazines have families who are hurt by the fact their child’s naked body is on those pages. They are also very hurt by the fact that there are men (and women) out there using their child’s picture for sexual gratification. Can you honestly say you would you be okay with your child’s naked picture being lusted after by men (or women) throughout North America?
3. 85-95% of women who are used in porn, whatever the media, have been sexually abused as children. Women who are sexually abused usually conclude that they aren’t worth anything but sex and as a result of this wrong, but understandable conclusion, they end up living lives which support this belief…they end up being used and abused. For every person who buys a porn magazine or jumps on a website, they are supporting the ongoing abuse of these traumatized women.
4. Million of marriages and long-term relationships are negatively affected by porn usage every year. Some marriages end in divorce. Porn contributes to the breakdown of trust in a relationship. It also gives the message to the non-using partner that you are not enough. It’s hard to be in a relationship knowing you aren’t enough for your partner.
5. Parents who use porn in the home teach their children about how to view their own sexuality as well as how to treat the opposite sex. Girls learn they are only wanted for sex and that they can’t trust men to love them for who they are. Boys learn they don’t have to remain loyal to one woman and that real sex must look like the porn movies. Again, they also learn how to objectify women. Both boys and girls learn nothing of the love, care and honesty that is a must in healthy sexual relations.
6. Sexual addiction is a real problem in this world and one that is affecting our kids at younger ages. Thanks to the internet we now have 12 year olds who spend 4-5 hours a day surfing the web for their next sexual fix. Daily we read in the news about the latest sexual scandal of a celebrity or politician. These are not just random affairs, Lynn…most of these stories are about sexual addiction.
7. I understand the twist of your comic, but Lynn, the other thing I think you need to be aware of is that fantasy is the foundation to sexual addiction and sexual abuse. Yes, there is such a thing as healthy fantasy. However, John sitting in the living room in broad daylight where his kids and wife can see him getting turned on is not health fantasy. It’s actually defined as incest. In the state of Iowa, you can be prosecuted by the Department of Human Services for not protecting your kids from porn.

I personally believe the US puritan beliefs about sex are not helping our current dysfunctional situation. I do applaud your willingness to speak the truth about what is happening in homes throughout the world. However, I do not think your comic accurately portrays the real response to porn in the home. I know young and old wives who are deeply hurt by their husband’s porn usage. I don’t know of one parent who is okay with their kids having access to porn. As well intentioned as you may have been, I think this strip needs to be permanently pulled from your collection.

Stacie L, Mason City, IA, USA

I don't think John was reading porn; I think he was daydreaming that he was a big, tough muscle-bound dude! :D

Rachel, IL, USA

I must agree that Sunday's strip was ridiculous. Usually I can see Elly's side of things, but throwing out the Halloween candy the next day is wasteful and mean, and giving Michael five minutes to eat as much as he can is asking for a very sick little boy.

Angela, PA, USA

The thing about Elly making Mike throw away his candy bothers me so much. It's the kind of thing my grandmother would have done to my mom & my uncle. My grandmother was a paranoid schizophrenic who was very cruel to her kids. She often got rid of their treasured possessions & things they were enjoying, simply because she couldn't stand to see them happy. She perpetuated lies just to be cruel & broke up happy homes in the process. She caused me a lot of damage, that I'm still dealing with 30 years later. I don't understand why Elly would be so cruel to her son & daughter.

Jen W, Erie, PA, USA

I have been a very long time fan/reader of this comic strip and I have never looked at any of what takes place in this strip to be mean, nasty, negative I look at it as entertainment and I can't say I like all of the stories all of the time but oh! well! I don't think we have to take this too serious. For goodness sakes they're made of paper and ink!

Queen R, Lynchburg, VA, USA

Sundays strip...throw away the candy. My sister in law is brilliant. She told her kids, aged 7 and 9, to pick 12 pieces each from the big bowl, then the remainder would be put outside for the "Great Pumpkin" to come and get and leave a toy for each in place of the candy. They both loved the idea. The 7 year old said when he grows up, he'll be the Great Pumpkin. Pass it on everyone!!! New role for the Great Pumpkin!!!

Kathy H, Ithaca, NY, USA

Around here, it's customary to donate surplus Halloween candy to Winnipeg Harvest, whose volunteers put it out for "clients'" kids ---especially at Christmas. Even Michael, I'm sure, would be happy to share his good fortune with a boy or girl who's never seen such a great "haul" of treats!

Anna M, Winnipeg, MB, Canada

Making Michael throw out his candy- while there are still Halloween decorations on the windows for heaven's sake! Part of the fun of hauling in a huge bag o' loot on Halloween was dumping it into a huge bowl and eating it until it went stale in the summer!

AMR, NJ, USA

why is everyone so upset about a dentist's wife limiting the amt of candy her children are allowed to eat?? may be a little anal and probably will ease up with the ensuing years..

Brenda H, CA, USA

I started reading your strips some thirty years ago, it seems. I have laughed, cried, and have been so touched by your work.God Bless you for being so talented and wonderful.

Renee E, Colorado Springs, CO, USA