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OK, fellow guys, brace yourselves! Only five more sleeps until Valentine’s Day!

I would be proud of myself for remembering, except that I didn’t until Jean reminded me this morning. With some firmness, I must say, and the gimlet-eyed Look of Doom that means I’d better take the hint seriously. I’ve always suspected Jean works for Elly on the side. Or maybe she just knows how annoying it is when we men forget important dates like anniversaries, V-Day, birthdays. Her husband has his own business and often gets preoccupied and misses important clues, too.

My bachelor friend Ted likes to mock his married friends at times like this. He calls anniversaries and Valentine’s Day the “GAME� days – his acronym for “Get All Mushy or Else�. Not that Ted is one to talk about games. Last year he sent three different women Valentine bouquets with cards that read “Yours only, Ted�. His secretary ordered them. It’s obvious that when it comes to games, Ted is much better at “Risk� than “Monopoly�.

At any rate, now that Jean has reminded me, the pressure is on to find the perfect Valentine’s gift for Elly. This is always tricky. Her idea of an ideal present never quite lines up with mine. The year I gave her the Master Handyman’s Hi-Power Cordless Drill, for example, wasn’t a good one. I don’t know why. I would have been THRILLED if she’d given me a cordless drill.

Every man has his own technique for getting safely through GAME days. My father’s is to march down to the local drugstore and buy the biggest, fanciest card on the rack; the kind with real ribbons and puffy embossed bits and a shiny plastic cover over all the froufrou on the front. The more square inches of mush he can find, the safer he feels. My mom always acts thrilled with these offerings, although I have seen her roll her eyes at them when Dad isn’t looking. Being a down-to-earth farmwife, she isn’t really the lace and parasol type.

My father-in-law, on the other hand, prides himself on coming up with something original every time. In the days when he ran their gift store, he handcrafted little ornaments or jewellery for his wife for special days. Now that they are retired, his V-Day and anniversary offerings have included a trip to the dolphin show at the Vancouver Aquarium, a ferry ride to Victoria for old-fashioned British “high tea� in one of the grand hotels there, and admission to a weekend of old Marx Brothers movies. He picks activities that he will enjoy, on the theory that even if his wife isn’t thrilled, at least one of them will have a good time.

I think Elly wants me to be more like her father, but I’m not very good at thinking up original ideas. At least, not ones she approves of. In the end, I usually fall back on the old stand-bys; chocolates, flowers, a fancy dinner, or some combination of the above. This year, though, Elly has vetoed chocolates (she’s still trying to lose Xmas pounds) and flowers (Lizzie chews on everything and hothouse flowers might be treated with chemicals). That only leaves dinner. I’ve had Jean book us in at Maison Anton, but it doesn’t seem like enough. I’d like to give Elly some little thoughtful gift as well. I was perplexed as to what to get until, by great good luck, a salesman dropped by today and gave me a wonderful little toy; a set of wind-up false teeth that tap-dance and chatter in time. Elly is going to LOVE them!

I’m looking forward to a great Valentine’s Day now. I hope yours is just as wonderful as mine!