« Friday January 30, 2009 | Main | Sunday Print Winner for January »

Well, it’s obvious that chicken soup wins hands-down as the favourite home remedies for colds and flu! I asked John’s mother for her recipe and made a big pot of the hearty home-made kind last week. In spite of being sniffly and out of sorts, the kids wolfed it down. So did John, who doesn’t have the flu. Since there are times when he is doubtful about my cooking, I appreciated the compliment!

Unfortunately, I ended up with this flu as well, and it hit (of course) on the day of my Creative Writing class. Since I’ve now missed the first two classes and am waaaaaaaay behind in the readings, I’ve decided to drop the course for this term. I don’t want to want to do badly at it, and it would be a struggle to catch up now. Perhaps it will be easier to juggle kids, house and classes during the summer semester.

John didn’t say much, but I’m sure he is relieved. He is taking a heavy load of continuing education himself right now. There is a growing demand for cosmetic dentistry, and he is gearing up to provide more of those services in the clinic. He couldn’t have been looking forward to the extra load on the evenings when I would be away (or wrapped up in writing the ridiculous number of essays the course requires!)

Connie, on the other hand, is blunt about her opinion that I am wimping out. Being a feminist, she believes that women shouldn’t always subordinate their own ambitions to family demands. In theory, I agree with her. In practise – it’s not so easy!

Then there’s my mother – arrgh! I heard all over again how disappointed she was when I dropped out of university to marry John and support him through his last year of dental school, how I’m wasting the talent God gave me, and how once she dreamed (pause for sad sigh here!) that I would do great things with my writing and make her proud.

Even while writhing under the guilt trip she laid on me, I couldn’t help admiring how well she did it. My mother is an absolute MASTER at using guilt. It was her most deadly tactic when we were kids, one that could squelch even Phil into abject submission – and my brother has the most unsquashable nature I know!

The unnerving thing is that now I catch myself using guilt to manage my kids too. Lizzie is too young to have much of a conscience yet, but Michael does. The sorrowful “We’re Disappointed in You� speech breaks through like nothing else when he’s being really stubborn. I know child care experts frown on that sort of tactic and I feel guilty every time I use it (naturally!) but darn, it works!

So there’s my question de jour: how much should parents use guilt on their kids? Are those tactics really as hard on a child’s self-esteem as some experts think? Or do they (as my mother argues) help children develop a proper conscience and prevent them growing up with a totally selfish point of view?