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Poor Elly! Michael doesn't need any "parenting" since he's busy doing his own, Liz isn't begging for help with "wedding plans", --and now April doesn't want to be "mothered"....! Do you get the feeling that no matter how much she moans and complains about all her past trials, Elly really misses being a MOM!

Is she a whiner? Nah...I keep thinking of that great line delivered by our own Raymond Massey near the end of the movie "49th Parrallel", where his character tells off the Nazi Spy who'd been hoping to "recruit" him:

"...We own the right to be fed up with anything we damn please, and SAY so, out LOUD, when we feel like it! "

And so does Elly.

Anna M, Winnipeg

You know, the exchange between Elly and April the other day seemed rather mild for the "I quit motherhood!" reaction. April wasn't rude, or cursing, or mouthing off; she asserted herself when Elly came nagging (which, I might add, was instantaneous to every prior response April gave. Impatient, much?) April even faced her mother and told her directly, giving her full attention, rather than the side-of-mouth vacuous responses from glass-eyed individuals keen on getting another 10,000 points.

So given that, what does April have to apologize for? Raising her voice? So when does the rest of the family apologize to various other people for doing the same thing? When does Elly apologize for pestering April? When does Liz apologize for pestering April and calling her names? When does Liz apologize for giving gutteral screams when her mother asks her questions?

For that matter, shouldn't Elly understand a grace period? Give the kid a chance to finish her thought in her homework! Even someone who's playing a game will want a chance to finish a fight or a conversation and then save their progress, rather than be pestered with a one-strike-you're-out rule. Maybe Elly should give advance warning, like a "Dinner's in 10 minutes!" call?

I'm sorry to say that the family dynamic we see in the strip doesn't lead to a close, loving, happy family, but rather a family with major resentment issues.

Liz W, Ottawa

I really wish John and Elly would be more understanding of April. Yes, family dinner time is important, but the last days of high school are stressful. If the girl needs to write three essays, then let her do it. At least she's doing her homework, as compared to chatting with her friends or playing video games.

Sara P, Iowa

As both a mother and a daughter, I can sympathise with both April and Elly. Elly's just trying to be a good mom, seeing that April is busy and stressed, trying to make things easier on her. April is just trying to finish something and only wants to be left alone to concentrate so she can finish and come to dinner. I've had similar situations with my mother, and also with my husband--with us both playing both parts at times. I've also been known to say, "Fine, I quit!", and also to apologize later in both positions.

Angela, Pennsylvania

Lynn, apparently it amuses you to use April as a punching bag. We see her parents alternately neglect her, disrespect her, insult her, call her a liar when she's threatened, yell at her for having feelings, yell at her for breathing, and today as good as threaten her into apologizing for a wrong she never committed.

Why this constant hating on April and smacking her down? Why? WHY?

JRI, NYC

I grew up with the Pattersons. I laughed when the laughed I cried when they cried over farlies death.

I will say this I like how realistic this comic has been everyone has aged and not stayed a magical age forever. I see life and death with this family and I truly enjoy how it plays out.

I am especially thrilled that Thrilled to see Elizabeth getting married. I even named my daughter after Elizabeth.

It was cool seeing Elizabeth get her Grandmothers wedding dress. I definitely hope to see her get married in it. It will be a thrill to finally see her get married. I bet her Mom cries buckets as her baby girl gets married!!

I don't care what anyone say's I think Anthony was a good touch and I hope Elizabeth and his daughter turn into good buddies.

Kimberly R, Sierra Vista, Arizona

I loved today's strip! My daughter left for college last fall, and before she left, I really wanted to hang on to every moment. Adapting to an empty nest has been easier than I thought it would be, but I do miss her - smiles, frowns, laughter, tears, and all!

Cathy C, Morristown, TN

"Gee mom, I'm sorry that me trying to do my homework interfered with your meal schedule. In the future I will attempt to ask my teachers to assign homework that will not take time away from meals with you. Also, I apologize for yelling at you while I tried to finish a thought I was typing. I do realize you were trying to be helpful. But perhaps in the future, if I say I will be there in a minute, believe me, and let me finish, instead of interrupting me constantly."

Geeze- I get it- April was rude when her mom was trying to be helpful. But why is it that its ok for a parent to interrupt a child in the middle of something, but when a child interrupts a parent, its not to be tolerated? Respect is a two way street- even with children

Rachel, Netherlands

lynn,the other day i went to my town library and saw two of your books,The Big 5-0 and Graduation: A Time for Change and just could help but check them out.That night i stayed up till midnigt looking through them and what can i say but amazing!both of them just amazing!

todays strip was so sad!to soon elly and john are going to have a empty nest!it will most likly be very werid for them,to have no kids living with them,but maybe now they will have more time to do things that they have been meaning to do,and they do have mike and his kids just down the street from them,so maybe it wouldn't be that bad for them.

keep up your hard work,it is the best!

Bridget Q, New Glasgow NS

OMG I can so relate to the script today, my son is in his final year at school and i am also totally scared of him moving on to his next phase in life, I like Elly want ot hug him tight to my side and keep my baby there. Thank you for showing all, married, single, without child what it feels like to be a mother.

Helen, Dayboro Australia

Now that John has forced April to apologize to Elly "NOW," I STRONGLY SUGGEST that he induce an apology from Elly to April. First for not simply taking her "in a minute" at face value, continuing to pick and pester, and secondly for her "quitting motherhood" overreaction. Let's have some perspective. April is not automatically wrong because she is 17 years old.

Katje B, Albany NY

Oh heck, you just tugged at my heartstrings again. The thought of April at the University...sniff sniff.

Thanks, I need some deal with losing another kid to adulthood (even if it is a pretend one!).

Candace, Elmhurst IL

OH, how sick I am getting of Elly and her fictitious woes! We go from Elly and Connie nearly breaking both arms patting themselves on the back about the great job they did raising their kids, to Elly throwing a fit because her daughter was actually putting homework ahead of her meal. Who's the child here?

April is the only character I find appealing, even with her old-lady hairstyle (completely wrong for someone her age, by the way), and she's getting stomped on by everyone. Elizabeth never misses an opportunity to insult her little sister; Michael thinks of her as a free babysitter; Elly and John appear to wish she had never been born. Haven't these two ever heard of birth control?

Today's strip really got on my nerves. April's reaction was NOT out of line for someone who needed to get work done in the face of constant harassment by Elly. Mrs. Pattersaint is the one who should be apologizing, but she doesn't - April, once again, shows that she has more character than anyone in her family put together.

What if the situation had been reversed, and April had been the one bothering Elly when Elly was busy? Oh, April would have been in the wrong, of course, and would have apologized. Again.

Elly and John have become real jerks. I'm surprised John took time out from his trains to deal with a situation at home - one that he would have done well to keep his nose out of in the first place, since it doesn't concern him.

Erin

I just don't have words to express how much I LOVE this comic script. I start work at 6:30am so as soon as I get out of the shower I sit down for my daily "fix" of FBorFW. My son Troy is the same age as Michael and my daughter Emily is the same age as Elizabeth so we have been enjoying this script as a family since they were really small. I give Troy your new book every year for his birthday and he sends me your calendar every Christmas without fail. Troy lives in Indiana and as soon as I got a computer he emailed me your site (which I spend lots of time exploring). We "chat" about the script all the time..."do you think Elizabeth will really get married? Oh no..Jim is really low this time". Your family is part of our family. I met you (Lynn) a few years ago at a book signing in Kitchener and you were soooo nice. Thank you so much for starting our day off with a smile!
We have a small cottage in Cape Breton right on the Cabot Trail and you are welcome to visit ANY TIME!
A very loyal follower..

Marcella

So, wait - April tells her mother that she'll be at the table shortly because she has to finish up something to do with her homework (not video games or chatting to her friends, but HOMEWORK), repeats herself, and only snaps when Elly insists on hovering around her, fussing and nagging instead of accepting her explanation. Elly then storms into the kitchen and wails that she's quitting motherhood. And yet somehow Elly's ludicrous overreaction goes uncommented-upon, while John orders an apology from April?
Lynn, I'm becoming increasingly convinced you just like to beat up on the poor girl. Instead of acknowledging that she's a normal teenager with normal problems, like stress and overwork (yes, teenagers can be stressed out!) you take every opportunity to pummel her. Can't you give her a break once in a while?

Em, BC

Lynn,

I'm sorry but again, I find that today's strip was a bit backwards. It should have been elly apologizing to april or both of them to each other.
I don't know if the hug was elly's being reminded that pretty soon this last kid will be off to college. Will she regret the little arguements and look at the big picture instead? She has raised 3 good kids into 3 good, hardworking adults.
No family is perfect but we have to make an effort to enjoy who we have,while we have them around.
(On a personal note..I have to attend my Uncle Steve's memorial service today. I miss him very much. Please let your loved ones know how much you love them.}

Thanks for giving me a place to say that,

Corrine, Tucson AZ

[Please accept our condolences - we're sorry for your loss, Corrine.]

Why does April always get picked on and called out on every minor outburst she has had, even very understandable ones like the one this week, while Liz can whine and cry and pout and threaten her little sister when things don't go her way and yet she never gets her comeuppance? Just once I'd like to see Liz get punished, but no she even gets to marry Anthony...oh wait, never mind. Mike however has yet to get called out on all of his whining.
Also, Elly and John proclaimed they were done with parenting when April turned 16 last year, they can't make up for it now with inappropriate over-the-top reactions to put-upon April's stressed-out outburst. Sheesh, she's a pretty decent kid, but they're either ignoring her or yelling at her, I can't blame the poor teen.

SPX, USA

April needs a good, old-fashioned spanking.

Sandi, Florida

I used to say, "I'm turning in my 'mother' button!"

Kate B, Rochester NY

hat is wrong with Elly? (4-17-2008) April is the one who should be screaming! She kept telling Elly she would be there in a minute, and Elly kept badgering and annoying. Shouldn't she be happy April is coming down to eat with the family?

Rachel, Illinois

Haven't we ALL wanted to quit motherhood at one time or another?? Your strip cracked me up today and brought back many memories of wanting to 'quit' also!! Keep it up Lynn!!

Marcie, Phoenix AZ

I could really identify with the strip on 4/17 where Elly is incessantly telling April to come to dinner, after April has acknowledged she will be there "in a minute". This was ME when I was growing up and even as an adult. When my mother decided now was the time to eat dinner, do the dishes, do laundry - it had to be done RIGHT THEN. No matter what I might be in the middle of, she could not wait one second, and nothing I ever did could possibly be as important as what SHE wanted me to do right.that.minute. Nothing I ever wanted to talk about was as important as my mother hearing herself talk, too! I feel so sorry for April, and hope before the strip ends you can send her off to college so she can escape Elly's ignoring her feelings, poor communication skills and incessant demands!

Joy, Virginia USA

Did we miss something? Elly and Connie were just gabbing about how great their kids are, then El is to pushy towards April, (Maybe Mira Sobinski had a negative influence on her) April presents a good reason not to eat, and ELLY BLAMES APRIL ABOUT IT!!

Jessie, Ontario

Man, today's comic, April 17, 2008 I admit to wanting to smack Elly in the head.

How many times does April have to say, that yes, she is coming, yes she is hungry, and Elly KEEPS pushing!!

I'm 33 and a mother, but frankly she brought that on herself.

She just really annoyed me today, and I'm glad to be able to have a place to say so. Normally April's teenager crap annoys me, when it happens, because that's what teenagers do. They annoy.

But today I am having full on Elly annoyance. The kind where I want to knock her in the head or at least play back a recording of what she just DID.

That being said, For Better or for Worse has been a staple in my life since I can remember.

Thank you :)

Talon, Michigan

Thursday's strip hurt. You see, my mother was just the same, frequently, as Elly was today. She'd want something I couldn't give right then, and push when I reasonably said no. She'd push again when I tried to explain myself, and when I showed any irritation she would fly off the handle. She'd say horrible, permanent sounding things that hurt me deeply. Five minutes later she'd be *fine*, and often deeply apologetic. I never knew when to expect love and sympathy and when to expect rage and a big push away, just like Elly's "I quit motherhood" comment.

These days she's doing much better, thanks to finding antidepressants that actually work. Elly also shows similar symptoms of clinical depression in other strips. Perhaps she could benefit from bringing up these feelings with her doctor.

Sarah G, Michigan

I have loved this comic strip for many years. Because I think Ellie and I are about the same age, much of the content parallels my own life. When Farley died, I lost my beloved boxer Max. I cried all over again and boohooed every time I read anything about Farley in the comic strips. My daughters are about the same age as Liz and April and at about the same life stages. My husband's grandfather passed away about the same time as Marian did and it was like you were using our family as the model for the comic strip. I will be sad to see the comic strip freeze in time. I would like to see how we (the characters and my family) turn out. Thank you for many enjoyable years. I can't wait to see what you do with the "do-overs."

Sheryl, Mount Juliet, TN USA

I have to hand it to the Pattersons. It must be difficult having to put up with such a brat all the time who can't take "no" for an answer, won't listen to what anyone else is saying, and throws a hissy fit anytime things don't go her way. I'm sure glad I don't have to live with Elly!

Elizabeth R-P, Ann Arbor, MI

When I see Elly jumping all over April's case for something she can't help ("Why don't you use your umbrella?" or "come to dinner now!") I can't help being reminded of someone else...ME! I know that I tend to snap at my daughter when I'm stressed out...so when I see Elly do it I understand. I don't condone it, but I can relate and it helps to remind me to be more understanding and to give my daughter a break. Thank you, Lynn, for helping me to be a better mother by depicting one of my faults in Elly.

Terry, Florida

Lynn - I have followed the Patterson family for years and yes, I know you have heard it before but I swear someone was sending you notes from our family. When Michael was getting married, our son was being married to someone whose family was from Burlington. When the pew bow episode hit, you got it, the most crucial item on their list - the pew bows. I almost put that in their album but thought better of it. We now have two grandchildren - a boy and a girl. My son survived a fire, my other son is a police officer. I retired around the same time as Elly and my husband loves gliding as much as John loves his trains.
Thank you for keeping me sane all those years and allowing me to look at even sad situations through someone else's eyes.
Thanks for the memories.

Lisa, Cambridge ON

In today's strip April 17th,
April is just being a normal
teenager. I know myself I was
the same when I was her age.
Elly is a thoughtful mother
who wanted to do the right
thing as my mother was.
After I arrived home from work and barely had my coat, scarf and boots off, the phone rang wanting to know if I made it home all right especially during the winter. Mothers do that.
Worry!!

Mary Ann R, Port Charlotte, FL

1) Elly has a problem with controlling what her daughters do and when they do it -- first nasty comments about the engagement and now hovering about supper.

2) She and her husband should eat, put the food away and/or feed the leftovers to the dogs and make the kid heat up her own stuff and clean up after herself.

Sharon, Pennsylvania

Oh my goodness! I'm rather glad I never had a mom like Elly.

It's unfair to expect that April would drop what she's doing immediately to come to supper. Work on the computer takes a bit to wrap up and save. April said she would be there in a minute and that she was hungry. Why the huge tantrum from Elly?

When I was growing up, my parents had enough respect for me and my brother to give us a 10 or 5 minute heads-up that dinner was almost ready so we could wrap up whatever we were doing, wash our hands, and stuff like that.

Elly needs to get a grip and apologize to April.

Ann, Pittsburgh

I really think that April's grandfather is the person who best understood her. The others seem to want to control her or channel her within what they consider reasonable limits. Michael gets his way, because he's an eldest and very careful to do things without making waves. Elizabeth is what they call a "nice girl," but if she's had an original thought in her life, it doesn't show.

April? Well, she IS the most turbulent of the three. She's also the most independent and possibly the most talented. But John was concerned that being gifted in music would be too hard; Elly doesn't seem to get it at all; Michael thinks she's a GREAT baby-sitter; and she and Liz scrap, as well one might expect.

Meanwhile, April's compassionate, a fighter, and multi-talented, yet if she isn't perfectly compliant in the face of overpowering changes, they're all over her for not being completely docile. It's hard to not live up to one's family's expectations, especially when they are so lukewarm in everything but being demure -- which April is not.

Susan S, New York

Why do parents tolerate the worst behavior from the youngest of the family? If I had reacted to my Mom's offer of food the way April did, My mom would have sent me across the street to pick up my teeth!

I'm not so sure I like April's behavior anymore.

PM, Houston

Elly is retired now and has more time to spend with April and she's showing it, but April is at the stage now that she is distracted with life and living. She's about to leave the nest. Hopefully her reaction today will sit with Elly and Elly will redirect some of her attention and time to her father. They both need it.

Anne, Orlando

Oh yeah... April is SO 17! I know exactly how Elly feels. Hang in there Girlfriend, "Empty Nest Syndrome" is just around the corner ~ LOL!

Shar, CA

Thank you. My mom died March 26 - 3 weeks ago - and everytime I read this strip, I'm reading it for her, too. While she was sick with Breast Cancer, Dad or I would read it to her. Ellie IS my mom. She was only 68. Mom loved her children and grandchildren - you must have a family to let the kind of love and comedy come through. So, again - thank you for all the laughs and tears I shared with Mom because of you.

Crystal, Gastonia NC

[We're sorry for your loss, Crystal, and pleased that you and your Mom shared the strip.]

Been a fan since 1982. Treasure the card and letter from you (from back in the day, before the Web). Introduced my Beloved to FBorFW, and saw our romantic story on your site around the time of Mike & Dee's wedding. Well, he keeps the home fires burning, while I'm on the road making deliveries, but we still maintain our tradition of having him read each collection first, so he can leave me little sticky notes in the pages with comments and emoticons on 'em, for me to enjoy and then text him on my cel phone about. Just thought I'd share one of the ways we cherish each other, and thought you'd enjoy hearing about this one, as it involves FBorFW! :)
Love ya, Lynn!

Dorothy W, from An RV somewhere in U.S. or Canada

I know I'm too late as usual for my comment to make puplication, but I have to tell you that I thought today's strip was just absolutely hilarious!!! Showing Elly not really hearing what April said, and April losing patience enough to make her scream and have Johns plate jump out of his hands like that.......fuuuuNy!
I can't begin to tell you how many times I wanted to run away from home and change my name from 'mom' to something else! hahahahaaaa!!!

Joy, Somerset NJ

Wow! I just started reading "Coffee Talk" and I can't get over how involved people get in this comic strip. It must be a real compliment to you, Lynn, although some of the comments are pretty barbed! This reaction to Ellie's frustration with April's response to the call to dinner reminds of that time, lo, these many moons age, when Ellie "whapped" Michael for nattering at her when she was rying to talk on the phone. I remember those days cooped up with little ones in a long, Canadian winter when the telephone line was a lifeline! I guess there are many people who think moms should have the patience of a saint and the disposition of an angel! To me, Ellie has always reflected the down and dirty, in-the-trenches reality of the daily slog of being a mom, no matter how old your kids are. She also reflects joy and pride in her children.If you've never had a meltdown moment like Ellie had with April today, my hat is off to you. You're a better mom than I, and obviously Ellie, will ever be!

Laurie M, PEI