« Dark-Roasted Thursday-Morning Reader Beans. | Main | Monday Morning: Liz's Life »

I'm a bit mystified with the unhappy reactions some readers have had toward your portrayal of Grandpa Jim and Iris. My own Grammie - an exceptional, highly intelligent woman and gifted teacher - passed away ten years ago after years of dementia. I also worked as a human service counselor in the late 90s and had elderly and disabled clients. From these experiences I can tell you that your portrayal of Grandpa Jim - and, more importantly, your depiction of the effects of his decline on his loved ones - is accurate and sympathetic.

Here's the thing about living with and caring for a loved one after he/she has suffered a life-changing illness: It can be difficult, tedious, and often depressing. It's hardly pleasant to acknowledge these things out loud because, after all, these people are our loved ones and we must always try to be strong, unconditionally loving, and patient in their presence. However it's very hard to keep that up without some cracks showing. It's painful enough to witness the decline of a parent or spouse in the wake of a stroke or in the grips of an illness such as Alzheimer's; however even more painful are the feelings of anger, frustration or even resentment sometimes felt by the care provider. When these feelings occur, there are several possible reactions. One may be guilt or shame. The other may be to suppress those feelings until they boil over and explode into a regretful tirade or, even worse, a nervous breakdown.

Then, there is the reaction which I believe you have chosen portray, which is to confront the realities of the situation with honesty, candor and humour. It is important to remember that the Pattersons are human too - they are imperfect people coping with a difficult situation. I don't think it would be honest to portray the Pattersons and Iris as heroic and unfaltering in this kind of situation because that is simply not realistic in most cases. Let's be frank: These things take their toll. Sometimes the care provider can become exasperated to a point where she/he says things like, "Your father is behaving like a two-year old." Your portrayal of these events is truthful and nuanced, and I applaud you for it.

Your strip is exceptional. Keep up the excellent work.

Rebekah, NB

While my husband hasn't had a stroke, nor does he have Alzheimer's, I can certainly relate to the Jim and Iris story line. I have noticed since his 2-year cancer treatment consisting of chemo, radiation, medication and finally surgery that his cognitive abilities have diminished somewhwat, especially his logic. Seeing how Iris copes helps me cope.

I started getting FBorFW online when I lived in Arkansas and couldn't get the paper. Now, reading the funnies online is the first thing I do in the morning with my first cup of coffee.

I've only just stumbled across your website, so I don't really know what's going on with you, but whatever it is, I hope your life gives you as much pleasure as you've given me over the years.

Phoenix, CA

I was DELIGHTED to read that the strip is not ending this autumn. I travel a lot, so the Strip Fix is something I hit shortly after returning home.
Thank you for the laughs and the more serious moments of thoughts and rememberances.
Please enjoy your "hybrid" holidays. You and your team, certainly deserve them.
Cheers

Dorothy

I've kept your March 13, 2004 cartoon because my sister died March 5, 2004, and I felt that it was written and illustrated just for me. I sent copies to friends and family members. It's the one where the teenage daughter is comforted by the family dog. A lot of times your cartoons hit right home because they cover topics that my family is going through or has been through, even the little things that happen every day. This is my favorite cartoon strip.

Beverly K.F., Salem, MA, USA

I don't know which is more stirring: Jim & Iris' struggles with daily life, or the distress of readers who expect the Patterson children and grandchildren to be as wise and understanding as the author of the whole strip. I don't think you mean to approve of the all the ways people are noticing or helping with Jim & Iris; I think you are showing things the way they very often are, even in caring families.

This is just a huge contribution, I am so glad you are doing it. It also tears my heart. The strip in which Jim, in his mind, is dancing and flirting with Iris, while she sadly puts him to bed, makes the point, that while inside he remains the same astounding man, outside he is becoming more and more difficult even for the ones who love him- and HE KNOWS IT. Thank you for showing the immensity of this journey.

Marianne, Philadelphia

I have a close friend whose mother and mother-in-law each had strokes that left them with only one word. One's was "Okay", the other's was "No." My friend was very sad each time, but she and said she would take her mother for walks and talk to her, pointing out the breeze in the trees, the songs of birds, how much she loves her, etc. She felt very close to these women but also very far away. She called her mother and mother-in-law each day to talk to them, even though she knew the words she would hear. Those words were, however, said with various emphases, she could, at least, believe she knew what they were trying to say.

To those of us who have lived our lives in parallel with the Pattersons, it can be frightening to see what could happen with our older loved ones. Or to ourselves. The confusion told in Jim and Iris' story is not disrespect, it is love, and not knowing what to do. Jim still has dignity, he is dressed each day and he faces life. He has a loving wife and family who are all grieving the loss of the man he was, but continue loving him, warts and all.

Bless you Lynn, for the gift you give me first thing every morning. I go on your website when I get up even before I read my mail. The strip is your mail to me. It is letting me know how part of "my" family is! Whatever it was that caused you to begin this path for all of us years ago, I bless it. You've given me encouragement that "this too shall change," "nothing lasts forever" and and through it all, there is love.

Rochelle S, Originally from MO U.S., now in FL U.S.

Lynn, thank you for Grandpa Jim's continuing story. You are doing a fine job with all the emotions that result when a loved one has a stroke.
In Jan 2002, my father had a "mild" stroke. It affected one side of his body and although he is 90-95% recovered, we still see affects to this day. We had to use "dark humor" to cope and get through those times and sometimes, my family and I,cried too. I see these same emotions played out in this week's strip. There is nothing dispectful displayed. I can feel elly's and Iris's frustration as well as Grandpa Jim's of not being able to express himself very well. The moments of sadness are very real and hit close to home for me. You are portraying these characters with all the feelings we had experienced.
Oh, on the subject of anthony. I remember that his soon to be ex-wife, didn't like his being friends with Gordon's wife, who is very happily married. I suspect that even if Liz had been happy in a relationship or marriage, his wife, would have still had problems with her. It seems that she had problems of her own that were not created by anthony and his caring for liz, they were her Own Issues. Anthony also told liz that he had seen a counselor but came to realize his marriage was not going to work. Yes, he could have picked a better time to ask her to wait for him but life is not perfect and sometimes we say the right thing at the wrong time and vice versa. Would it have been better if anthony stayed married to someone who didn't love him? He stayed until he knew he couldn't do anything else to fix the marriage and then left...he was taking care of himself and his child. That is a healthy thing to do.

Corrine, Tucson

I cannot believe you had Elly call her father a two- year old and not have Iris defend him!
I had taken care of my Husband for the last 5 years who had Cancer. It angered me that when the Doctors and anyone else talked about him or his condintion, they weren't talking to him but to me. He knew what was going on with himself and his surroundings. He still had his wits about him until the last 4-5 weeks of his life and even then if someone talked to him like he was a child would set me off. I let no one talk to him in such a manner, he still deserved their respect.
My Husband also served for our country and was extremely intellegent.
Don't go on with that story line. There's more going on in his mind then we can imagine. And have Iris stand up for her Husband. I was a Step-parent to, for 21 years. If the Patterson's are as close and loving as you made them then Iris being open and direct shouldn't hinder the relationship with them.

Cindy, Indiana

Hi Lynn or shoud I say Elly,
Both my husband and I rush to see the days happenings. Then of course we have a discussion about what is happeing.
Iris and Elly are just stating the reality of what Jim is going through. I feel like you are just showing a side of life that some people go through and have to deal with. A sense of humor is a gift and Iris and Elly are dealing with a hard situation the right way.
With out For Better or Worse, we wouldn't need our paper.
You sure make our day. Thanks

Donna G, Wyoming

Hey folks,
I just wanted to take the time to tell you what a wonderful strip this is. I have been reading it for years! I really enjoy the "documentary" stuff. How Lynn gets her ideas and such! The "stuff" that you put under Explore More and Behind the Scenes! Great! Thanks for such a great strip. The website and web work are AWESOME!!! Kudos to you Steph!!!!

Gentle Wolf, TN

Thanks Wolf - it's truly a team effort (and it helps that we love what we do!!)